Holding Yourself Accountable

Holding Yourself Accountable

What does it means?  In my context or my understanding: 

To be able to OWN everything you do in your life.

- your decisions & consequences

- how you process your feelings

- how you filter your mind 

and what does google say:

Accountability means being answerable for your actions and decisions. If you were made responsible for something or you yourself promised to achieve certain outcomes, you can be held accountable for them. ( ☝click to read more )

                                                                     🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

1. Decisions & Consequences 

We all have different way of thinking, different way of life and different environment of how we live. But everything comes to one- of how well you manage yourself.

In terms of making decisions, whether you let peoples' voice in or you RULE your own mind. That shows how bold your heart is. It's not that we don't need to listen to what others have to say. In some appropriate time, YES we do need advices from INSIGHTFUL person ok. But we need to set a bold line in between what you truly wants, what is good for you and what is good for others as well. ( Only if it relates to them. Don't be selfish. You didn't live in this world by your own.) 

WHY? Because, in the end, it is YOU who have to face the decisions you have made. It is YOU who will go through the consequences. It is YOU who feels the joy or opposite. So dear beloved, Don't be a people pleaser. Start to walk your own decisions. OWN it. Be responsible for yourself. Don't be so timid, you coward. So what if you are not making the right decisions? So what? Mistakes were made ok? Learn and grow from it. OWN IT. That's how you grow wisely. 

I have a story, all this time I am very interested in hairstyles. I dyed different colors and my fav was Green. I cut different styles including undercut for 4 years. In my family, I am the only one who have more fats than others. Gemuk bah tapi tidak juga bah gemuk cuma bila dalam kalangan kurus2, saya nampak gemuk gila lah. hahaha. By saying that, I have a round face. So what do you think I did? I cut a great baby bangs inspired by Mullet haircut. People say I look much fatter and my face is not suit to have this Mullet. and some even said that I look like Iban. well???? I AM Iban. None of it scares me tho. I feel really great with my own decisions. They say I don't look good in this haircut but me personally feels really great inside and that what drives me to boost my confidence in my daily life basis. Remember, the more you love you decisions, the less you need others to love them.

Summary: Life is about learning and grow wisely. Set a bold borderline in between you and the percentage of how much you let peoples' touch in your life decisions making. 

2. Process your feelings

Feelings is a big word. But I'm not going to talk about what it means, how it forms etc etc...

What I want to say is, be EMOTIONALLY WISE.

Not everything deserves your attention or your emotion. Be botherless. You know what? In this big world, there must be a person or more, who would purpose or not purposely annoyed you like heck. For me personally I really cannot stand stupid people who purposely being like that just to annoy me. They really wanted my attention so much like !@$!#$#@$^#%& ugh. Honestly speaking, I have a very limit tolerance for people like that. 

Throughout my life, God has sent few people like that, and I know God knows how limited my patience towards those people is. But, hold up. I managed to leave them. It was 3 years ago. Where I stand for my life principle, "If I can't handle their stupidity, I would just simply walk away from them." In short, to cut them off. I'm not usually like that, I make a lots of friendships relationship but I'm not wise enough to face these type of people. I like making new friends, having fun and peace. I don't like arguments. so what I did was just cut them off.  Wallaa~ problem solve.

What's the problem here? Of course I gain my peace by leaving them. BUT, I didn't learn that well in terms of FACING THAT CONSTANT ANNOYED, IRRITATED FEELINGS BURNING INSIDE ME.

As the saying goes, mistakes were made until you learn.

Teka lah. Now God has sent me another person with same attitude but different gender 😂 I have the ability to understand emotion, but not how I manage it. Nowadays I cannot really applies "BE KIND" cause people won't. Since I'm still not immune to this topic, so the best thing I'm doing right now is to keep a safe distance from this person, I will listen to what this person said but not going to process. just let it flow, bak kata pepatah, masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri. 👂 I see what God tries to teach me. Oh Lord, please guide me. All I was thinking right now is just to keep my mouth close and show no emotion at all and will only respond when it comes to important thing. Still learning!

Summary:

Detached it from you~ 

Leave it where it should be~

and just dgaf

cause life is way more bigger than the unnecessary trash garbage of emotions🌏

too pretty to unleash unnecessary anger,

and too classy to be grabbed down to their level of personality. 

Be accountable to your feelings and learn how to be emotionally wiser person. 

 IQ + EQ = SUCCESS.

3. Filter is not only for pictures

If you can filter your picture, you CAN filter your thoughts.

First of all, why do we need to filter our mind?

For me, the fruit of your thoughts often reflects of how do you think.

I remember there was once I read an article stated that human natural way of thinking is filtering with negativity first right before positive filter whenever receiving a new input. I forgot where I read that but credit to whoever wrote that. And that changes me, I always train myself to filter with positivity first where it leads to understanding and non judgemental opinions. 

I've been talking to a lot of people with different age groups, different background and different religious. Everything reflects of who you are. From there, you can tell how they look at things and you can guess where are they coming from- how they were raised. 

Some may filter their thoughts with negativity to protect themselves. Yet, it is not necessary to apply it in all things. As the saying goes, if you change your word, you change your actions. TBH, for me, I love talking about many things with open minded person. But sadly, those type of people always labelled as "not appropriate" or "wild" or "not holy" just because they talk about things widely without boundaries. I love to sit with people who have the biggest space in their mind about new things. Why? Because they won't judge you for having such big things in mind. Close minded people usually are the ones who negative, I am 💯 about this. Tell me, who would love to get negative respond whenever you say about big things? Please, make more room and space in  your heart and mind. The  world is big it does not evolve only around you. 

You are responsible of they way you think. So make sure to always checking up on your way of thinking.

Summary:

Be accountable for your heart and mind cause in the end it reflects of who you really are within you.

TIPS: ALWAYS DO SELF-REFLECTION

Love yourself,

10 YEARS ANNIVERSARY EDITION

OK. 

HELLOOOOOOO WOLRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

NO AMOUNT OF EXCLAMATION MARK ENOUGH TO SHOW OF HOW EXCITED I AM TO BE BACK WRITING HERE, AGAIN. 

First of all, Syukur Puji Tuhan, I'm still breathing, living, typing with my smile on my face - SO grateful for His grace, in the midst of COVID-19 pandemic turbulence, people are dying everyday, getting infection everyday, and guess what? I'm one of the C-19 patient, too! What a ride of life. 

So it was 3 years from my last post, which on 2018. During that time, I'm still in my first year student and now currently working as an Accountant Clerk in a quite big (?)  multi business company- one of it runs 86 outlet around Sabah and local hotel somewhere in the KK City. Funny how I still remember back in secondary school, guru subjek Prinsip Perakaunan lah guru paling garang di dunia masa tu.😂 TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS, there's many many times where I always wonder, like ''God, why do I have to sit for that subject in my SPM anyway?" T U R N S  O U T,  I've been accepted to work as Accountat Clerk using only my raw SPM result and has survived for few month already! All the salary goes back to my study loan PTPTN, for my skincare, for my car...------

----- uiii banyak sudah benda baru terjadi kan??  kerja, loan, car????

OMG 😭😭😭 HOME GIRL HAS GROWN UP NOW!

See, I started writing this blog few days before taking my UPSR! U P S R weii??!! 12 Years Old, now I'm 22! It's been 10 Y E A R S !!!

GILA LAH JAUHNYA PERJALANAN HIDUP KAN 😪😱 

Semakin jauh perjalanan hidup, semakin luas pemandangan tentang hidup. As I read back my past posts, what my little self wrote throughout my teen age, I realized how POSITVE I was back then, than now. Ironically, there's gains and losses, fors and againts -- worth life learning journey. 

I am truthfully thankful, that God has made me do the writing in this blog even with no audience at all, but it actually like a diary, more to a "bible" for my own life. Why 'bible' ? Because my younger self seems like has this vision for me, like she knew what my future self will be facing as I grew up, so she wrote many many things.  All those reminders, advices, POVs, stories, 'languages' that she used -- those were like a slap for myself now, because I don't really have that in me right now. WHY??

Now that I really walk with my own feet in this "LIFE" than I did before during school life, some walks has thorns, and left some scars and wound on my feet. So by reading back all my posts in this blog, I feel like 'going back to my hometown', just to find myself back here. I never ever realized that all I need is to be coming here in my blog.

IMAGINE:

You all know like you are walking in Sahara Desert, with no water, so thirsty as h*, tired, like you're having Sahara itself in you throat, so dry, dehydrates, syncope, but you have to get back again and keep walking, but then suddenly tiber got a gallon of fresh cold mineral water in front of you, and you drink down that thru your dry-expired throat, you can feel all the fluids running thru in your body again 😂💧 so refreshing and reenergized right??? (please respond to my question!)

OR

You have all the items you wrote in the things-to-buy-list, but you still walking in the store, looking for another item that you think you might need but then it's just nothing to be found. You didn't know exactly what you looking for but you know you needed something. It's frustrating. So you just simply proceed the payment for you stuff and all, and left the store. Then, when you walk across the stalls outside of the store, you stop by to an ice cream kiosk, bought yourself a strawberry mint ice cream. Walla, your day is complete. It is THAT ice cream that you needed to fill the void of "looking for something" back in the store.

👆👆👆 Those you just read up there, is what best describe how I feel for reading back my past published posts.

Anyway, in celebrating my self for this 10 years amazing anniversary with my blog,  I will be writing with 10 different topics under a big title: 

10 YEARS ANNIVERSARY EDITION 

1. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Hold Yourself Accountable

2. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Keeping Up with Yourself

3. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Filter Your Thought.

4. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Family Builds Characters

5. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Bucket-List Junkie

6. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: For My Future Self

7. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: My Reasons

8. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Stop, Start

9. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Yes, It's Him

10. 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION: Make The Best Of Being Young

*I will be updating for the link to each of the title listed above so you can just click on the title 👆

Disclaimer: I AM NOT A WRITER, I just love to do Self-Talk with myself. You should try it, too! 😉

Cheers to another 10 Years🥂

Love,

Define Beauty

Hello folks! Another thought another post! 💆💆💆

So I would like to ask you a question, what a ''beauty'' word truly define when it comes to a woman?

Personality? Figure? Outer looks? 

There's so many answers and opinions and I thought I would like to share it here (as my own reminder as well.) You know it is important to have our own standard of beauty as it is our own life principles. Better you, better people, better environment, right?

My definitions for Beauty.

1)" For attractive lips, speak words of kindness" speak only when needed. listen more.

2) "For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people" or even in the midst of turbulence, ya people.

3) Seek God.  Bow down.

4) Be educated. Seriously an educated woman is really sexy and attractive. 

5) Stay focus

6) Personality. Different people different personality. 

7) Good vibe. ❣

8) No hate, just love. 💟

9) Life balance. We all know that no one is perfect. But balance is nice enough. Which means that you know your own strength as well as your weakness therefore you are able to hold on to your own life. 

10) "For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry."

11) "The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows."

12) C O N F I D E N C E 👑

13) Original version 💯

14) "Cleanliness, a state of clarity, purity and precision."

15) An understanding soul, big heart.

16) Talented 

17) "One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. "

18) "Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned, not given."

19)  “The main factor behind success is self-control.”

20) MINDSET

21) Drink water! RUN, WORKOUT, EAT HEALTHY🏃🏃

22) Judge-less 💕💕💕

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

So those are my opinions about beauty. Well what can I say, beauty is in the eye of beholder. Mine would be totally different from your point of view but after all, those are my life principles. I might talking mostly about inner beauty that's because well I, personally didn't have a peaked confidence level about myself. #confession101 and yeap, those are the things that I'm working on and how I handle my insecurities. #weallhaveweakness #lol 

Bear in mind- Beauty is only skin deep.

So, dear readers, feel free to share your opinion on the comment box below!👇👇👇

Good Night and have the sweetest dream ever!❤

My Thought

Just a quick post for today. 

Last night as I scrolled down my feed on Instagram, my eyes caught a really nice and deep idk maybe related to me post from Narcissist Abuse Healing Coach  ( @narcandempath )

This goes to those who are in their progress to move on ( i can say from recent broke up)

How to move on by r.h. Sin

 

stop responding to texts & calls

fight urge to text & call

remember how bad it feels to be hurt by them.

don't hate yourself for wanting to give in

it won't happen over night

it'll be hard because you cared.

remember the reward in letting go

try not to focus on the pain of moving on.

forgive yourself for loving the wrong person

but appreciate the journey because 

it'll make you stronger, wiser

and be proud that you were brave enough to love

someone so deeply.

choose yourself

focus on the things you enjoy doing

focus on the people who make you feel good 

about life.

surround yourself with positivity

focus on your strengths

and document what you love about yourself

be around people who help you grow

surround yourself with people who are 

dependable.

p/s: In case you didn't know, r.h. Sin is an author and had written many books. You may google him for more information! 

New Update

💕💕💕💕Hello lovely people ! Im back after few months! It's finally my first ever semester break. 💕💕💕

Yes I did post on my previous posts that i further my study sudah. Whenever I got time, but I didnt have a good internet and vice versa which made me decide to post a new update on sem break.
How are you doing? I hope everything is fine, and hope that you are working closer and closer to your goals :)

It's 4:59pm on 20/5/2018, a little bit cloudy due to heavy rain just now. I just finished a bowl of Maggie Kari. duiiiii kepingin ba saya. hahaha.


Alright, new update from me?😉
1)  I started my first ever class on 25th of January this year. I met a lot of people mostly older than me and only few young adults and few my age.

2)  I stay in a really nice hostel, just behind my college and we just need to walk like less than 10 minutes ( approximately 5 minutes only ) . I am fortunate enough because my hostel is really really really close than most of the students there which they need to take Grab or walk like 30 minutes like that. I have super amazing people in my house. We are altogether 14 students which 7 of us are new intake. Well tbh i was really concerned about how am i going to cope in my new environment but turned out really really good and I just hope that our bond never be broken. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

3)  I am a DECE student, which stands for Diploma In Early Childhood Education. cute right. i know what. hahaha. The subjects are not that really tough lah but im not a creative person so the problem goes to my assignments. Got this one subject which the assignment was to create a creative booklet for kids....fortunately, thanks to my lecturer, it was a group assignment so we just have to mixed up our ideas and yesss we only got 46 per 60 percent.( this is for our carry mark and another 40 percent for exam.) What do you think about this mark we got? More than half lah kan which i think...i dont know. hahaha honestly, let's see what my grade would be for this subject.

That's for assignments, and for my subject, i think the most tough subject is Language, Communication and Literacy. But i love my lecturer. And i do love the subject. What makes the subject kinda tough is because it has many many many topics which consists of subtopic, or like topic 7(i), 7 (ii), 7(iii)......eh wait, i dont think this is the toughest. i think the toughest is Children Growth and Development. The one subject i mentioned about the assignments kinda hard that. Lol. But i reallyyyyy love that lecturer. She is my idol now. Beauty with Brain. Educated person, personality, lifestyles, life principles, manners. You got my full respect miss! #confession101

Oh ! Almost forgot, I got full marks for my Basic ICT which it kinda funny but I know I deserve that because I did my best on my assignments. There are total 3 assignments, 2 individual tasks and the third assignment was to create a video of  not more than 30 minutes duration. Well, to be honest, I did that assignment with my partner which is also my housemate. I swear it was a really last minute work. But turned out we got 15/15 yey! So the tip is, well you know it's all about skills whenever it comes ICT thing, and all we did use as many features and skills that we got.

Oh and for Early Learning and Early Environment, we went to this cute little kindergartner at Lido to do a microteaching. awh, cute students everywhere. Ok heres the thing. Why did i feel a little bit pressure whenever we teach? Sedangkan before this, i found it really pleasure to be with kids around. why is that? i feel that it burdens me because of the knowledge and skills that i've been taught and the urge to practice the theories. lol. This happened when my little cousins are around. and i dont like that. and i got to stop this ridiculous mindset off my head. Let's just be natural. okkkkkkkk

one more subject is Skills Enhancement. I like the lecturer. as well as her subject and assignments. Kinda sad when my lecturer said that we can finally leave the group right after we done our exam for this subject.

We just finished everything for sem one- tutorials, assignments and examinations. Im looking forward for my exam result and i kant whaiittttt 😬😬

4) Im looking forward to sambung my car license for this one month holiday. I really have to spent my holiday well and productive because, if not, im going to be really lonely lol. Beside my kakak is going back next week so im looking forward for the fun things we can do together to spent our holiday well.

5) Oh and, im alone. Let's be friends? 😆😆😆😆😆😆😜

Q & A myself

Hey thereeee ! so Ive been thinking to do this since i dont have anything to post. Honestly I havent read each one of the question i was just looking thru once and downloaded it. 30 questions and 30 answers! let's do this.

Question number 1: List 20 random facts about yourself.

Ok random facts kan. 

1. Cry baby hahahahahahha 

2. Mental tidak kuat. seriousslyyyyyy.

3. I have such trust issue. susah mau percaya orang eih.

4. I cant deal with kiddos with straight face. yet i try to understand u know.

5. Affectionate person. 

6. So many life principles.

7. Tired.

8. Alone

9. Prefer to do things by myself.

10. If i dont tell you, then dont bother to ask. It means I dont want to tell you.

11.  Solitude.

12. Privacy life is a happy life.

13. Crave food. western food make my stomach happy.

14. Secrets vault.

15. I kept precious memories in my heart.

16. I laugh so hard.

17. Dont mess with me 

18. Dont push me

19. Not really into judgement conversation 

20. So many things happened yet so little things to say.

Question number 2: 3 legitimate fears- explain.

1. Losing friends.

Oh well probably because i found it hard for me to make new friends. Those friends that i have now are the ones who worth to invest my time and energy with. 

2. Trust issue.

Im the kind of person who will tell you everything when i truly trusted you. I had experienced people broke my trust. Well, it's their lost.

3. Pistanthrophobia 

 Google for it. 

Question number 3: Relationship with parents.

 Ok bah

Question number 4: List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

 Wow this is so interesting.

Well, dear self, first, go for what you wanted!!!!!!!!!!! mau masuk KV sambung tourism? GO FOR IT SERIOUSLY?! Second, why bother to follow your friends a.k.a pride? you seriously have to choose the geography rather than addmaths and accounting stuff............. youve been thinking to take geography right? i thought you like geography since form 1? Third, be bold, firm and courage! Fourth, dont trust people easily. not everyone is your friend and dont easily get attached. somethings are completely temporary. Fifth, you should have just walk away from that toxic person. Sixth, menari bagus bagus masa solo. Do not be so nervous because it all temporary, what meant forever is your achievement on stage. Seventh, respect every hooman. Eighth, less talk and just listen. Ninth, make up your mind. Tenth, I love you, you deserve life that youve been dreaming of. Hold on tight keep yourself chin up and just go on . eventually life will bring you to what youre supposed to be and meant to.

Question number 5: 5 things that make you most happy right now

1. Good food.

2. To see and make sure all the people that i love, is happy and satisfied even if it's hurting me

3. Gained weight. Seriously.

4. I'm able to handle things on my own. 

5. Good sleep, enough rest.

Question number 6: Hardest thing that you have ever experienced 

Oh gosh... honestly i got few things crossed in my mind to answer this but it's kinda deep and personal.... so my answer to this question is those hard times where i have to choose whether to follow my heart or to make others happy. and also that time when i was innocent but have mistaken as the cause of something terrible. 

Question number 7: Dream job and why.

My dream job....fuhh. Should i tell this? hahaha ok why not. So my dream job is not just a job to get salary and pay my bills but it is a passion. I wish to run my own hotel and resort. pergh. such big dream.  it has been my dream job since 14. WHY? I have no idea how to explain this. hahaha. I just love hotel line. all those hotel stuffs good place modest accommodation magnificent view inside out. ok im done on this. let's move on

Question number 8: 5 passions you have.

Im not sure about this question or how am I supposed to answer this. Passion is an intense desire or enthusiasm for something so i think my passion is probably being confident to deal with people like the tourist (?) linked with hospitality (?) to serve people (?) am i answering this right? hahaha. passion in dancing? music? talk to people to make them feel better. i think it's interpersonal ? dealing with people different ages. not gossiping and wasting time but talk to them to make them feel '' oh thanks God someone understands me'' but not randomly approach someone go 'hey how are you tell me what's interrupting your mind'' no dont get me wrong. i cud say that im a good listener and i like having deep conversation because sometimes it all it takes to heal the wound lol is it count as passion? there's no wrong answer in this right. so basically these are the things that im passionate about. lol i dont even sure that im answering it right. 

Question number 9: 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

List out 10 people :1. Naomi Neo  inspiring me since secondary school and been my biggest influence among any other person.

2. Cupcakeaisyah because she's so cheerful i just love her positive attitude and shes so pretty.

3. The Kardashians especially Khloe because i like her personality so much. and her body! #bodyrevenge #bodygoals #inspiring

wait can we just make it 3? yes of course you can. alright. 

Question number 10: Most embarrassing moment.

probably that time when i was in kindergarten. guess what. saya terbirak di seluar. hahahahahahah

let's call it a day. 

goin to get some snack.

                                                                                                                                                         1/3

Few hours left

...for COLLEGE LIFE!

COLLEGE LIFE

a freaking COLLEGE LIFE...

believe it or nah. i was going to sit for my UPSR on the first day i wrote this blog and today it has been like 7 years? and few more hours left for COLLEGE. well i got a lot of things happened in my mind and i really need to pour it all out somewhere . i guess that's why im still writing. 

so i decided not to tell anyone about entering college because i dont think people need to know everything i do where ive been what ive been thru what course im taking because that's just my comfortable point. unless they ask for me? lol what am i talking about ?

but seriously, my circle is really small and tight. and i love how private my life is. i dont really like to expose myself you know. have you been thinking the same thing? currently i only have whatsapp, the only place people could get in touch with me and of course only those who truly have a thought about me.

whatever. 

so talking about college, it's just so nerve racking. im freaking nervous about what environment im going to put myself into. and i think that is the only thing i concerned about rather than my study. wow-whuttttt? 

writing about this just make me get butterflies in my stomach.

im going to be okay. 

everything will be fine.

i will get thru this.

😬

adios!